I didn’t mean to start anything, but in re-tweeting ereuben’s joke about a Higgs Boson and Catholicism, my Twitter account became an enormous repository for particle physics jokes. Here are some of the best:

The one that started it all off
@ereuben A Higgs-Boson enters church, priest sez “We don’t allow Higgs-Bosons in here” The H-B sez "But w/o me how can you have mass? (via Reddit)

From the ‘an ’x’ walks into a bar…’ stable
@OandG A neutron enters a bar and asks “How much is a pint of bitter?”, the barman replies “For you, no charge!”

@AdamRutherford Two atoms walking down the street. One says, “Damn, Ive lost an electron”. “Are you sure?” “Yep, I’m positive”.

@jimmytidey An entangled photon walks into a bar. The barman says “I Haven’t seen you round here before”, “no” says the photon, “I’m non-local”

@benoobenoon Electron walks into a bar, goes “Pint of your piss-poor beer mate.” Barman goes “No need to be so negative.”

@julaybib A Higgs Boson particle walks into a bar. “Weren’t you here last week?” Asks the bar tender. “No, I was here the week after next.”

Some of the rest
@julaybib A Higgs Boson particle walks into a casino. “Not him again!” Groaned the proprietor, “He always leaves a black hole in our books.”

@gleet_tweet Q: Why did Heisenberg never have sex? A: because when he had the time he didn’t have the energy and when he had the position he didn’t have the momentum

@jar0n Quark walks into a bar, spins around 1/2 times, throws up on the floor. Barman says “Strange, you’re a bit off-colour”

And not a particle physics joke, but commendable nonetheless
@hexapodium Two cats are on a roof. How can you tell which one falls off first? It has the lowest µ.

Finally, @RobMurrayUK kindly pointed me to more physics jokes.

And if you must have more particle physics-related things in your life, check out this track listing I made for a quark fancier last year.